the love you showed me

ph: Lisa Smit

You do not get the privilege of ruining me.

You were weak, that is your one character flaw. And yes, I lost a few
tears for you.

But you showed me how to love
and what it was like to come home to a warm bath ready
and homemade dinners
You taught me the importance of exercise
hard work
family
and multiple alarms in the mornings

You showed me what it meant to be loved
to cuddle at night and feel happy
to enjoy the company of dogs
to follow recipes when I'm cooking

From you, I realized
that showers are better in pairs
that it's okay to be sad
that reading never trumps a good make-out session.
You showed me how to be your other half and still be my own whole.

You've only made me a better, happier person, and your absence won't erase it.

All the love you showed me isn't yours for the taking. It is mine to pass on.

better things

ph: Oliver Baldwin + Minna May

taking a step back

ph: reader submission

I was trying to get some face time with you today, but you were not having it, you, and work, and your laundry, and whatever. 

So I'm writing you an e-mail, not because I can't talk to your face, just because you won't let me talk to your face and I gotta get some words out.

A good friend, last night was here until 3am talking. I saw an entirely different side to her last night, she is dealing with stuff, (not really the point) but she said she wants to be more open, she is sick of being a girl who builds walls and doesn't let people in, and then she said-
"I want to be like you McKay, wear my heart on my sleeve and not be afraid to show my feelings."

And it struck something in me, that is true, that is what I am! That's what I stand for! That is why I love King Charles! That is what makes me so dang wonderful!!
But recently (the past 3 week-ish) I feel like I have been suppressing a lot of that.

What Am I talking about?!

Aaron, you are my dear friend, you know me quite well, some days I think you know me too well. (Other days I think you have me completely wrong, and need to take a chill pill)  So when I say "I like you" like I "LIKE, like you" that shouldn't be a surprise. I do, I like you.  

Like, I like you like, Lance at Macaroni Grill doesn't stand a chance up against you. I'm not crazy, I don't want to run away and marry you, but I would love to see what it is like to date you. You being happy is oddly so important to me, I think the world of your crazy dramatic self. When our Teacher Mr Snow speaks up in class about how 'that Aaron is a great guy' I just think 'yeah, you have no idea.'

But I have been playing 'cool beans' to you, to myself, to anyone who asks about it. To my Mom's little high voice of "Why don't you date him?!"

I don't say anything because I am content with the way things are with you and I, easygoing and great.
But when it comes down to it, after a great Saturday with you I still go home to be alone, at the end of the day, what you and I have is not much more then what my roommates and I have.

When I picture my life 2 months from now and if I'm still doing what I'm doing, spending loads of free time with a guy who sees me as a close friend, it would be somewhat pathetic on my part.

But I avoid talking about it because I already know how you feel, you told me a while ago that's not what you want.

And if your feelings had changed something would have changed with us.
Then I don't want to loose you as a friend so I play cool beans, and I go with the flow, and as a result the 'wear my heart on my sleeve'  side of me has been suppressed. (I'm so dramatic!)

So I don't have much to say as a 'in conclusion'
just this: I like you, and I'm going to be taking a step back. Finding better ways to spend my time/emotion.

But, just a step, I still want to see you, I want to be able to sit on the same bench at church as you and Bryan  I want to hang out and laugh like crazy when Drew is in town, I want to hear your voice upstairs and run up and hangout. I don't see any of that changing. And I don't see that being a problem. 

But no more bonding with my family, no more making dinner at your place, no more really clever/funny texts, no gay parties, no more late nights of getting high on gas at the covey, no more summer convertible drives. You, are unintentionally leading me on, and I am unintentionally falling for it.

Ah hell, it is 4am I gotta go to bed.
I need to give you back these keys, maybe I'll hang them in your garage if I don't see you soon.

Oh! and one more thing, I hid your journal in your bed when I was editing the movie because it was staring at me in the face and I was going to read it. So I shoved it under your blanket so I wouldn't read it. 

Sorry if that confused you, I was thinking about that later and how funny that would be for you to find that in your bed.
I DIDN'T READ IT!! ok?!?

Thanks for being a solid friend in my life,
You are the greatest.

----

*A portion of this post was edited and removed at the request of the submitter.

when you leaned in

ph: aN ACciDenT + words on images

help, advice and peace of mind

ph: Toby Harvard

I am 18 years old. The first time I saw him was at my friend's dance practice and when she asked me which guy out of here I found the most attractive, without hesitation I pointed to him. Beautiful, bright, blue eyes, dark brown hair, smile of an angel. At that moment, I knew... that one day he would be mine. Sounds cliche, but it as true as it gets. That was about 3 years ago.

I forgot about him for a while, until when I saw him camping, in summer of 2008. We always go to the same camping place, so I was not surprised to see him there playing volleyball with his beautiful face and body. We began talking over Facebook. More and more. He was great, down to earth, funny, everything I wanted. On March 29th, 2009, we began dating. Best time in my life.

He was perfect. And I know that every girl says that about their boyfriend because we all think that our treasure is the best... but he reallly was perfect. He drew me pictures, kissed my forehead in public, called me beautiful, didn't force me to do anything, made a teddy bear, made me so happy, and I made him happy. We spent the most wonderful Christmas, New Year's, Valentines. Everything was perfect. We could lie in a bed and do nothing and it would be the best afternoon in my week.

Everyday, he would tell me how much he loves me, how I am exactly what he's looking for in a girl. We were an example to all the other relationships around me, and I really thought it would be forever.

Then something happened.

This past Tuesday, he told me that over the past week he's been thinking that we lost connection, lost the spark... and he doesn't feel it anymore. I was crushed but most importantly shocked. We never fought and I know there was no other girl he was after. When I asked him to fight and give it a chance... his response was simple and painful, "How can I fight for something I no longer feel".

My entire world collapsed. I am a mess. I cannot eat, sleep, function. I don't know what to think and don't know what to do. Feelings, as strong as he claimed to have for the past year, don't go away over night... or do they?

I need help, advice and peace of mind.

I love him so much, and cannot picture my life without him.

more than you think

ph: greg pths + we heart it

no greater revenge than happiness

ph: Alison Scarpulla // Free Bliss

The number of times I felt guilty and held back so I wouldn’t be disrespecting your trust in me. The number of times I berated myself over how selfish I was that I didn't try to be there for you more, for still craving all your time and attention. For thinking I expected too much of you and I was just too young to understand what you were going through. I feel worst when I think about all the ways I slowly started slipping and lowering my carefully cultivated standards, standards I’d thought you’d helped me raise because of all the previous times where I’d made a complete fool of myself. But I trusted you. It’s funny that I don’t feel like the fool now. I just wish you could see what a bad person you are. I can’t even say that without my heart yelling out in your defense, that you’re a good person who’s been through too much, but I’d never allow this on anyone else without judging the fuck out of them. How could you be such a snake? How could you use everything to your advantage, so you can feel sorry for yourself, justify what you’re doing? Good on you for making me sit here questioning the fuck out of everything we ever had, for making me realise how people lose faith in love and humanity so easily. How people start to distrust the world. I never thought you’d be capable of doing something like this to me but I guess now I know how easily it’s done. I won’t be jaded because of you. I won’t even wish bad things upon you. I just hope someday you’ll wake up and be choked by regret and helplessness over your weakness of character in this single occasion and feel genuinely sorry that you did something you never thought you’d do. I had so much faith in you. I’m sorry to see the end of us this way but there’s no fucking way it could’ve been any different. You couldn't even be bothered to tell me upfront without pretensions. My heart actually fucking aches in my quiet moments, it’s my most shameful confession despite all the rage and bitterness I harbor against you. Even just to slap you across the fucking face and crack your jaw, my heart aches for you. I swear to God I won’t feel like this forever though. I’ll be over you so quickly that I’ll just laugh at my past mistakes and pick myself back up, repair my life, grow with others, succeed my dreams and be the happiest, most powerful and humble person I've always wanted to be in the end. People like you won’t hurt me. There’s no greater revenge than happiness and it’s mine. This too shall pass.

one of us

ph: margot pandone + TTQ

come back to me

ph: Jackson Warner Lewis

I'm not gonna fight for you. I'm gonna miss you like hell. Miss our sleepovers. Our late night discussions as we snuggled. You pulling me close to you. I'll miss the nights as we laid there hugging, stealing kisses in the darkness. So innocent and pure. I love you. More then you know. And yet I hate you for doing this to me. Putting me in a position of loving someone I'm not supposed to love. I'm not supposed to want. You are no good for me. I keep telling myself that. I repeat it in my head hoping I convince my heart. I don’t want to loose you. It hurts you as much as it hurts me. I could hear it in your voice that night. You meant what you said. I don’t want you to ever stop loving me. It seems only yesterday we were dorks hooking up in my room. You introduced me to a whole new world. You grabbed my heart. I didn’t know it then. I'm going to miss your embrace. Your cologne. Running my fingers through your hair. I love you. I hate your dad shoes and your pessimistic attitude. And your annoying intelligence. But I love you. The fact that you need to be right all the time. That you constantly talk about woman as things to posses, yet I love you. I love that dorky smile that smirks across your face every time I say something stupid. I'm gonna miss it. I'm gonna miss you. And yet I will continue to see you everyday. But it wont be the same. I lost you, the you I love. I miss you. I love you. Come back to me. I'm waiting.

a love so deep

ph: endlesstrains + we heart it

fight the fear

ph: Brittany Nicol Fabry

We met before I left. It was magical and sad all at the same time.
But I had to leave.

It has been a while now that we have gradually come back to each other after two years of being apart.

But I feel blessed that It has come to this.
I want to tell you how I feel but I can never find the courage.
I feel it and I know you feel it too. It never really went away
I can see it in your eyes, I can feel it

But I'm scared. We are both scared
I'm scared you'll run away, because that's what you do
I'm scared of being rejected, because you're stubborn like that.
I guess I am too?
I'm not sure what your scared of. It may be the same reasons?

But I want you to know that I'll always be here for you, I'll never leave you
I know that I will Love you always, So don't fear that I don't.

I love you as you are. This time apart, I've realized I never truly wanted you to change
I love your flaws, it's what makes you you, and I love you.
I just want our souls to grow together, that's all.

But how can you know this if I can't find the courage and fight the fear.

every part of me

ph: Caitlin // sea songs + we heart it

everything I did

ph: *Nishe

R,

I just wish I was brave enough to talk to you.
In my head everything is so messed up, but I'll try my best to explain.

After all this time, I still don't know how to stop remembering our memories and looking for you everywhere I go. I can't stop relating us to every song I hear. I don't know if I miss you, or if I miss having someone. But I don't know if I'll ever feel as comfortable with someone as I was with you.

I miss having you to care about me and to share small things. You were the one I could tell everything, because you were the only one who completely won my trust. And I miss your hug - but I guess you already know that.

I'm sorry I never believed you when you said that there wouldn't be someone who cares about a girl more than you.

I guess it's too naive to think that we could get back together. I ruined it and I don't know how to fix it. I feel really bad about what I did to you. Maybe I was too young to actually be with someone so dedicated to me. I feel sorry about the reason I gave up one us. And it really breaks my heart that we're not together, and that is my entire fault.

I'm afraid I'm gonna tell you all those things and then one day wake up and feel completely different. I'm not sure about anything. I can't assure you a future. That's how I am, and that's how I screwed it all.

I'm also really afraid you are not the same. I'm afraid that I made you change, and you completely erased me. I'm afraid, besides almost sure, you hate me right now - and I hate myself for that. I feel the worst person in the world when I remember everything I did, and the pain you felt because of me. Then I think that you're totally right in hating and avoiding me, and I should move on. But I'm afraid I can't get over you.

If I'm right and you hate me, please do me a favor one last time: hit me hard with your words, in the way only the person who knew me the most can do, so I can't ever look at you again and feel passionate.

But if you're able to forgive, just call me - maybe you still remember my number, just like I never forgot yours - and I promise I will try my best, so things can feel right again. I promise to tell you everything and hear you carefully. I just have to warn you that some things don't change. I can be really moody and I am still insecure.

M

people like us

ph: The Funny Way